If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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