I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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