im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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