I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
