Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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