hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
