A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
