I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
did i just pee glitter
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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