Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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