I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
