Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
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