the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
