If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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