It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
