The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize