So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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