is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
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When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
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This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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