I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize