Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
