At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
