Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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