I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
