I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
