Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
