You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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