you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Every concussion has its silver lining
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
