You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize