I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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