She is in my trunk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
