i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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