im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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