I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
