I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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