I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
