i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize
