so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK