We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
