I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize