You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
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Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
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After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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