Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
