kristin has been a bad kristin
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
