Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
