its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's blow job season.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
