haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
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