Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
