He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
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You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
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I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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