Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I smell stomach acid.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
