I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
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come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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