My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Well I just put wine in my tea
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
