$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
