I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
