drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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