The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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