I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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