You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
