I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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