I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
