So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
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Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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