I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
