so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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