Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
